My Dirty Little Secret Audio Reading
It’s been going on for 5 or 6 months now and there are only a few people I’ve confessed to. At first, I was so ashamed I wasn’t sure I’d ever share this little secret. But here I am – over it (mostly) and ready to confess.
I felt like I didn’t have my shit together and that I wasn’t able to fulfill my duties as the “woman of the house”. If I needed her it meant I wasn’t enough and that I really wasn’t worthy of her help. I should be able to handle it all on my own. It was a deeply rooted belief that only rich and hoity-toity women get help around the house. My “type” (the do it yourselfer) should be able to handle it herself
Lies, lies and more lies that I had been telling myself as I put it off another year. Finally, I felt worthy enough and deserving enough to ask for help. I hired Lia, my housecleaner. A gal just as passionate about a new mop as I am about new reins.
There. I said it. I have a housecleaner.
It was really, really hard for me to hire a housekeeper. It sounds trivial to say I had to do healing around the subject but I recognized a pile of limiting beliefs and issues around my self worth as I avoided doing it when I really needed the help.
Yes, I CAN clean bathrooms and wash floors. But I hate it. I’m all about following my bliss, so guess what wasn’t getting done?
Plus, with two kids in the house, it was taking us hours of tidying up that we didn’t ever get to the deep clean part before we were pooped or had to take an appointment.
They say you don’t win buckles for a clean house. True, but I love a clean house and I don’t like cleaning. A messy house makes for a grouchy Michelle – it’s just bad chi and creates a storm inside me.
I started to think about what the big resistance was to getting help. The first thing was finding someone I could trust. But I didn’t want someone I already knew (because that’s awkward). I didn’t know someone who knew someone, so I had to just go with blind faith that we’d be ok as I contacted Lia through her ad on Facebook.
Secondly – why couldn’t I just save us some money and do it myself? If I was a good wife and a good woman, I’d be able to get “my chores” done. Murray does not think this way guys, it’s all me and the pressure I put on myself. He’d be happy to help and does help as long as I give good instructions and don’t pick apart his efforts (oops).
The above digs into a layer of “I am not enough” as in, I’m only enough if I do all the traditional “pink” jobs around the house.
Another limiting belief I worked on was – I am not worthy of help and I don’t deserve help. Like I’m not important enough or I’m not good enough (in status) to get paid help. We’re not exactly rolling in the dough and surely the money could be better spent elsewhere. Lots of my limiting money beliefs were coming up too. I did a lot of healing around my worth that will help other areas of my life too. The first 3 or 4 times Lia was at my house I cleaned and tidied and organized things for the 3 hours that she was here. I think it was so that I felt like I was contributing and I wasn’t just “being lazy” spending money because I was too good to clean. I had to prove my worth and earn my keep (more limiting beliefs). Now I just do the tidy before she comes so she can spend her time actually cleaning.
Each time I’m here when she’s here, I drink my tea from my “I am worthy” mug that some very kind friends gave me.
I’m still not completely used to having the help, but it is worth it. It’s been interesting for me to analyze and interpret my resistance. I also see others do the same and I see others who are completely A OK with accepting and paying for help. We are all limited in different ways.
I do justify the money in that I can do other things that I’m good at in that time that generate more income than I’m spending. I’d be lying if I said I actually pay for it myself though. My husband pays for it and is more than happy to do that for me. It’s all out of the same pool of money technically but you know how it is. It’s out of his wallet, not mine and that makes me a little uncomfortable but pretty special at the same time. Sometimes ego likes to tell me I'm spoilt. I reply that it's more like I'm expensive but worth it dot com!
I do a little dance each time she’s here and leaves my floors shining. Murray must like my dancing (haha). I know it's worth it for him because he doesn't have to hear me freak out about how dirty the place is.
I know you really didn’t need to know I had a house cleaner, but I wanted to explain how something so small and kind of silly can be holding us back in other areas of our lives too. It’s been a big year of growth for me as I accept help in more areas. I’m getting over my “me do” attitude I think I assumed as a 2-year-old and never let go of. There’s something to be said to being independent, but accepting help is also very rewarding.
As I grow my business I’m looking to accept more help with different aspects of the business and I see how starting small and just getting through the limits I had about a house cleaner are going to help me as I look to hiring an assistant.
If I look to my year with horses, I know I told you my story in another blog about how getting help from others was a big part of my success this year. It starts with letting down your barriers and building your team in all aspects of life. You’ve got to be ok with asking for help to start with and you’ll see how it’s all connected.
It doesn’t have to be about getting a house cleaner for you. It can be about getting a coach, it can be about hiring out some other aspect of your own business. What’s holding you back? Think of your reply and the story you tell yourself as “interesting” and ask if they're really true – all those reasons you're not asking for help.