Recently, I read the book “Big Magic” by Elizabeth Gilbert. I really enjoyed the entire book, but one thing that stuck out for me was her analogy on fear. Fear, in many shapes and forms has been a theme for several of my coaching clients lately so I know it will be a theme with many of you. Fear of making mistakes, fear of looking bad, fear of failing. Perfectionism she says is just fear in really nice shoes. It’s the fear of mistakes all dressed up.
Elizabeth says fear is always going to be with us, forever and always, in one for or another. Instead of beating yourself up about your feelings, accept them and give them a place, not power (by dramatizing it). Resisting fear will make it worse (what we resist persists). She also says your fear is boring. My fear is boring and her fear is boring so don’t try and make it something exciting.
Road Trippin’
Imagine you are on a road trip (could be the journey of life, could be the road to the next rodeo). Fear is going to be with you, so you might as well give fear a seat. Give it a seat in the back. It doesn’t sit beside you, it doesn’t read the map, it NEVER drives. It does not do any kind of back seat driving. It can speak, but it won’t be heard, it goes in one ear and out the other. It does not disrupt courage and confidence (who are in the other seats).
Fear is a bit like that person that jumped a ride with you but you don’t really enjoy their company. They are there, but you’re not feeding the conversation with questions and comments to further grind at you.
Find a place in your truck and label it “fear sits here”. That’s where it goes, that’s where it stays. Don’t feed it, and if you need to acknowledge it, just nod and smile and keep your eyes on the road.
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