I’ve been sporting a new look lately and honestly, I’m not overly thrilled with it. I’m closer to being okay with it than I was, but I still don’t feel super confident with it. The look I’m talking about is the helmet look.

The day after my 40th birthday I started competing in a helmet. I’ve had a helmet for a couple years now and have worn it if I was riding something rank or unpredictable. It was my first jackpot of the season back on June 2nd, so I’m not actually sure it had anything to do with my birthday. However, I do feel like it’s time I start being a little more responsible. I do have dependants you know.

I’m going to tell you how I FEEL about my helmet and I want you to realize what I feel is not necessarily the truth.  This could be you, about something other than a helmet.  Like your looks, your weight, your clothes.  And that’s the moral of the story really, that often how we FEEL is not actually true or not how someone else sees it. I FEEL like a complete dork in my helmet. I FEEL like I totally rock a cowboy hat and I look good in it and FEEL confident. Sometimes I would wear a cowboy hat at a (no dress code) jackpot because it FELT like it was part of my mojo. Cowboy hat on – bam – ready to rock and roll.

My helmet is kind of cool looking as far as helmets are concerned when it’s not on my head (but hot as heck in the sun). It’s got some feathers on it which I love, but I still feel like a bobblehead. I want to be clear when I see others wearing their helmets I look at them and think they are smart. I have never judged anyone (but myself) over their helmets and that’s the truth. I think people are very smart to wear them, not matter what their skill level.

I’m not wearing a helmet because I’m concerned about my riding abilities. I’ve stuck a couple bucking horses and one trying to flip over backward already this year. I’m really not worried I’m going to fall off, I feel as sticky as I did last year and the year before. I’ve put a lot of thought into this helmet thing and probably too much thought really.

In my mental toughness boot camp, I talk about fear and making choices that will reduce the risk of the fear you’re worried about. I’m not worried about getting hurt, I don’t ride with fear, but if you do, a helmet would be a logical choice for that too.

I’m wearing it because it seems like a logical way to protect my melon. I’d say I’m more worried about looking stupid for not wearing a helmet and injuring my brain than I am looking stupid wearing one, so here I am, wearing one.  That and my Mom said she doesn’t want to spoon feed me. She’s done with that. Funny – not funny right? I really don’t want to be a burden to my people. I also feel like I have a lot to offer the world and my tribe yet and I don’t want to know I could have made one choice that could have saved my life and my brain that helps others.

I have been bucked off and I have had a concussion from it. I got back on my horse right after and tuned on him and ran him within a week. I did this when I couldn’t operate my computer and I couldn’t order off a menu. My brain would not tell my hand what to do to make the computer work and for a year, my husband had to narrow down the food on a menu to two choices or I’d be overwhelmed. I still can’t head-bang to music without my melon feeling all shook up either! Damn.

I’m thankful that I’m confident enough in my horses and my training and my self that I can push through FEELING like a dork in my helmet. I don’t need to rely on my good looking cowboy hat to have a good run anymore, but it’s interesting how what you wear does contribute to how you FEEL.

Will I always wear a helmet? I’m not sure, but right now it feels right. I’m not making any promises, but I’m giving it a go. I’m aware that how I feel is unfounded and I’m certain I’ve only received a small bit of judgment (team roper) and a large amount of support (nice cap girl!) so I’m rolling with it. I do not and have not judged others for wearing helmets and fully support those that do, so I’m keeping the faith that others will do the same for me. I am also working on my own limiting beliefs (which is all that really matters) that my mojo and my “cowgirlness” has anything to do with a hat or helmet.  

Thank Country Monkey for the pictures 🙂